Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Rambles on the Road

This past August my mum, the tots and I drove to Illinois to visit my grandparents. The girls preferred mama to sit in the backseat with them, so I had odds 'n ends of time to type gibberish....very odd reading back through...but oh well!

As tall as giants
Across the fields they stand
Guardians of the prairie
Arms raised and turning
Gathering their elements to them
Yet, unlike those in stories past,
No one draws a swords to challenge them
They are the hope,
The future,
Of our power

I know what I have read tells me that this behavior is normal, but there are times I have to wonder. I am amazed b y this small child; who appears so kind and loving. Her tiny lips part, allowing an intake of breath, and then it begins. The shriek, the wail, the tantrum; it continues through calm reasons, raised voices , a soft touch. And like Kaiser Sosa, it’s gone. The abrupt end and the sweet child returns, asking for duck and cuddles, as though nothing happened.
One day she will be able to explain what runs through her mind. Until then I breathe deeply, try to remember what it was like as a child to through tantrums, and be there with open arms to catch her and hold her when the storm subsides.

Flashbacks of places I have traveled. Flashbacks of feelings I have felt. Flashbacks of my life.

As we travel to the east
I have to wonder what I like least
A screaming child,
Not the weather mild
I think the memories that await
Wish there was a way to make them abate
But memories feed my soul
Fill me up and make me whole
The good and bad
Happy and sad
They are part of me,
So I let them be

So many shouts and hollers can we take
From the child who remains awake
Cannot hear our calming sound
Over many shrieks that do pound
Into our bodies and make us sad
That this little child is so mad
A soothing talk
Try to walk
Nothing sways this little child
Then we offer her something so mild….

I don’t want to live in the county. I can’t stand being so far from everything. I need my target, my grocery store, a library, a park all within a short distance of my house. So sadly this rules out Alaska, though I hope to go back. Driving through Kansas and Missouri I see so many beautiful places left to ruin. It makes me sad that people would do this to our history. So though the city is where I want to be, if I could, I would redo these houses in the middle of nowhere and bring history alive again. I have to wonder if people who lived in these places come back to mourn the site, or to rejoice it in. Mourn that modern people have let it fall to ruin. Rejoice for all of their memories. Not that I believe in ghosts and ghoulies. I believe in spirits. I believe our times circle each other and we do cross paths with those before us. As Keeida put it, would the “spirits of our ancestors weep to see how far we’ve fallen?” So many things have advanced us, at the same time, so many things have led to our downfall as a community of people. Don’t get me wrong. I truly doubt I could go back and live without tampons and air conditioning, but for all our advancements something was lost. These crumbling prairie houses simply remind me of that.

When I was a child I totally believed in the Toy Story concept. So many times I would close my bedroom door, pause, then rush in hoping to catch all my toys moving around. I never caught them. There are some nights when I have put the girls to bed without them cleaning the toy room (shocking, I know) and I feel certain I will catch their toys moving all around. Still has not happened. Maybe I will catch grandchildren’s toys….

Seriously? A town called Shelbina? Seriously?

She awakes in good spirits. Thank god for Dramamine, portable dvd players, Pepsi and wine…okay, and my mum, too. How settlers did it, I am not sure. All screaming children in one cart and their shrieks would move the horses?

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