Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Worries in a Sleepless Night

As I lay in bed with the tots, all of the worries that I came to avoid in the hidden home of my parents, came tumbling down on me. How are we to pay for bills? How are we to give the tots what I’d like for them? Do we need to move in with parents to save money? The tots would love this! They have had a great time at their grandparents this past week. Waking up to deer in the yard, watching the hummingbirds come fluttering to the porches, chasing each other through the open yard, and hiking through yards. It’s so easy to forget what waits for us down the hill. Responsibility. Not all it’s cracked up to be. Being a grown up can really have it crappy moments.
The tots know we are in some type of stressful time. Hubby has told them we can’t take a trip because we have no monies. So what do the little 3 year olds do? They find the lost penny or nickel on the ground and come running to their father, “here monies dada. All better?” Seriously, they shouldn’t be at all concerned by this! It breaks my heart that they want to give all that they find to their dad instead of putting it in a piggy bank.
I know jealously isn’t good. Green eyed monster, isn’t it? I see others that seem to have it made. I know, I know. They have all worked for what they have. Still, it’s hard.
Again, I know I should be happy that we are all in good health. Stitch scar on tot1 is healing nicely. Nothing major. Still…yeah, many of you know what I mean.
As I fret over life’s crappy hand we’ve been dealt for the year, I start having a panic attack. Thinking of going back down the hill, dealing with everything back in reality, figuring out how to keep us afloat, being (or trying to) the stronger/positive one…all of these thoughts crush me. I pull my girls in closer to me, hoping I can put on a happier tone in the morning. That all my worries don’t seep into them in the night, like osmosis.

1 comment:

  1. Kiki,

    The past year has been real bad all over the globe.
    I've lost all my friends in my firm and probably am next on the firing line.

    But we need to be hopeful that things would soon change for the better and give life our best shot. You parents place seems to be a wonderland of sorts. It seems a great place to clear ones mind and start afresh.

    As long as you are armored up by your tots' love, you've got nothing to worry about going down the hill.

    Best wishes to cope up with these hurdles.